I am not shy about my families genetic background. That of which I know anyway. This genetic background plays a large part in who I was and who I am becoming. Lets begin with this. My maternal grandmother was adopted so on that side is where I have to start. With my own experiences I think that it goes even farther back. I never got to meet her. She took her own life when my mother was 6 years old leaving her to be raised by her grandmother since her father really didn't want her. My Grandfather came from a father who cheated on his wife had a baby with his mistress and then adopted him. My great Grandfather was an alcoholic. My paternal grandmother was also an alcoholic. My Father had his own issues which have no label at this point . My Mother was diagnosed as a clinical depressive when I was a teenager. My sister has severe anxiety and depression. I was diagnosed with Dysthymia with a generalized anxiety disorder accompanied by panic attacks.
The bottom line was I grew up in a mentally ill world. This world colored everything I did, from comments from family to my own internal dialog. As I went through school I found myself being able to overcome most of that programming and achieve things in spite of it. All that changed once I graduated. I stopped reaching for things that I wanted, believing I would never achieve them. I got pregnant before marriage simply trying to fill an emptiness I felt inside. I did marry and have been able to stay married for the last 23 years only because I have an incredibly patient husband who has learned to work with me. I started isolating myself simply because I got tired of attracting people as friends who were more mentally ill then I was and who were always needing me with no one able to be there for me when I needed someone.
A couple of years ago I got very tired of that spiral down I was on. I started searching for something better. I looked at nutrition and I looked at setting goals. Then I decided to combine both and that has made all the difference. Dysthymia does not respond real well to medication. For me the side effects far outweighed the benefits so I choose not to take medications. I have found that regulating my blood sugars, eating more protein, exercising, and taking good supplements do more for me without the side effects. I have energy and my moods are much better. I still have bad days but they are fewer and shorter in duration.
Why do I post about this? This is part of where I come from and why my transformation process is such a big deal. I made a choice to be proactive with this genetic disorder that I have. I made the choice to do the things it took to not have the disorder be a hindrance for me. This is not an easy road. On top of the nutrition and goals, I also do daily affirmation and read books regularly to lift me up. I have begun to associate with people who are doing the same. If I stop doing any of these things the disorder takes over.
I am in a direct sales company. I have done many before and failed at each one, but I realized that I learned something with each one. With this new company not only do the supplements work wonders for me, but the culture of self improvement has lead to a confidence I have never had before. Yes I have a lot to overcome, but I will and the success will come as I strive to rise above the genetic geneology I am faced with.
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