On Life and Loss

Yesterday was a very difficult day to get through.  I woke up to the news that my niece had given birth to her first child 7 weeks premature.  She only lived 46 minutes.  This was something that we had expected.  A few months ago it was discovered that the child she carried had Trisomy 18, a chromosomal disorder where there are three of chromosome 18.  The majority of these babies do not survive birth and those that do will most likely not live to see their 1st birthday.

You would think that knowing that this was coming would make it easier.  I am sad to day that it did not.  I spent the day holding back the tears.  We chose not to tell our 6 year old what had happened.  She doesn't see her cousin enough to connect that she was pregnant.  Our middle daughter on the other hand is dealing with guilt because so far her child that is due in December is healthy.  She knows she shouldn't feel guilty, but she does.  She finds herself asking how can she take joy in her impending parenthood when her cousin, who is married to a close friend of her husband, just lost their baby?

I did take the day yesterday to deal with all of this so business did not happen for the most part.  I did attend my networking and mastermind group meeting but that is pretty much it.  I also took my daughter to her not back to school co-op picnic as we prepare to begin co-op classes next week.

Life does go on for those left behind and even if we believe that families will be united in the next life it does not make the loss any easier to bare.

Each day that passes may not lessen the pain but it does create a distance from it. The distance allows us to manage the effects of that loss, but that loss will always be felt.

The end of my day got no easier as while I was at my networking meeting one of the members received news that her 95 year old mother had passed away.  The news was received, but she still had children to pick up, work to deal with and life in general.  As much as it would be so much easier to shut down and just not deal, for the most part we just don't have the luxury of doing so.

So the moral of this lesson is that loss happens in our lives.  The pain that results from that loss is real, but life must go on.  We still have responsibilities, we still have relationships that must be tended and we still have a life to live.  Its ok to pause while we process our grief but it can't be all encompassing or you may never come back from it.  Focus on who and what is left behind.  Put one foot in front of the other.  Someday down the road you will find that you have survived and your life has continued.